19th nervous breakdown

pms quitting smoking and the general stress of my life are all coming to bear. i need ... well, i don't know what i need. i need to figure out what i need, and that in itself i find stressful.

yesterday i spent five hours with my grammy. she needs some company. she's been missing my grampy for thirty years and now all her friends and most of her family are dead. i want her to move to the berkeley on green street. then she will be part of a community. dad is trying to rush her into a nursing home. i think that will kill her. she is 88; she has no arthritis and her memory and logic are firm. she tells me things that i don't think that she tells dad. he and mum both have a lack of respect for her. i try to imagining what it will be like when my mother in law gets older and i can't. i don't know what it will be like.

tomorrow i am going to the bank to ask them to pay for school. i hope that they see what a good investment i am!

jake's homework yesterday involved reading a story about a family that was displaced and so someone in the family created some kind of sweater that would remind them of their home. after he read the story, he was supposed to answer some questions about it and draw a sweater design that would represent his own home. he drew a sweater that had music notes, fuzzballs, lego and a computer. i was bemused.

disjointed. this is disjointed.

maybe some good old fashioned exercise will help.